Emotional distance between partners in a relationship develops through a gradual process which unfolds over time. The first partner starts to move away from the relationship because they want to end their experience of harmful relationship patterns. The partner who withdraws from the relationship searches for peace instead of wanting a way out.
Constant Criticism
The partner will stop making efforts when every mistake no matter how small receives a lecture. People who experience constant “correcting” treatment begin to feel managed instead of receiving love which results in their decision to remain silent.
“Kitchen Sinking” During Arguments
You bring up a mistake that occurred three years ago during your current disagreement. The partner believes they will never receive complete forgiveness because you “throw in the kitchen sink” during arguments. The partners choose to withdraw from the fight because they believe it will never end in victory.
Constant “Checking In”
Checking in shows love but excessive checking in creates a feeling of being watched. The partner experiences withdrawal when they must explain their daily activities and social interactions because they want to retrieve their personal boundaries and independence.
Using “Always” and “Never”
The statements “You always forget me” and “You never help” create false character judgments of people without any factual basis. The statements create absolute barriers which block conversation and make partners want to leave the discussion space.
Withholding Affection as Punishment
You create a fear cycle through your use of physical and emotional distance as a weapon during moments of anger. The partner will stop reaching out for love when they believe that their partner might withdraw love at any moment.
Comparing Them to Others
The comparison process shows both ex-partners and “ideal” couples from social media who cause people emotional harm through their existence. The person receives a message which makes them feel unworthy so they decide to withdraw from others.
Competitive Venting
You create a competition between yourself and your partner when you respond to their stressful day by saying “My day was worse”. The partner believes that the relationship does not allow space for their personal difficulties to be shared.
Being “Right” Instead of Being “Kind”
The relationship suffers when all parties in the conversation focus on winning their argument. The partner who believes their views do not matter will stop speaking when they understand that their words will not matter.
Neglecting Quality Time
Relationships require shared experiences which serve as their essential “oxygen”. The partner will lose interest when you spend your time on your phone or your attention goes elsewhere during your time together.
Lack of Appreciation
The partner will feel like a utility when you treat all their work through chores and bills and emotional support as common activities. People choose to stay in places where people value them but they leave when they discover people only accept their presence.
