The process of arguments can be very fast with misunderstandings most of the time being trivial which becomes more loud with every retaliatory reaction. During tense moments, the next thing that those individuals who are in this state of tension decide to say is the reason that the tension will continue or a slight effort to bridge it. It takes only one simple phrase which can transform the dynamics of a conflict nearly overnight at land and bring back clarity and lead to understanding.
I Want to Understand You
By one of the partners stating that he or she wants to know you, the blame game is broken and the process changes to listening instead of winning. These five words imply the respect and interest, both of which studies have continuously associated with healthier communication patterns in long term relationships. The reason why this phrase works is because defensiveness is one of the most destructive responses that psychologists have found to contribute towards conflict. The other person does not necessarily prepare to come up with a counterargument, but instead almost always feels welcomed and requested to clarify his or her feelings.
It Alters the Stress Response of the Brain
Conflicts invoke the stress system in the body leading to a rise in heart rate and the narrowing of focus on perceived threats. A sentence that comes out to be a statement of understanding is one that will settle the stress reaction by convincing the brain that the relationship is not what is at stake. Neuroscience demonstrates that emission makes people feel heard and helps to solve problems. Once tension is loosened both partners can again think rationally not just react impulsively.
It Substitutes Competition by Collaboration
Most conflicts turn to be heated since individuals are simultaneously attempting to prove something. The words I want to understand you move the situation to a point where it is a joint venture to solve something instead of a power struggle concerning who is right. Cooperation also minimizes enmity since an objective is formed. As soon as both spouses understand that they are on the same side, the discussion turns to solutions rather than accusations.
It confirms sentiments unconsentingly
Unless you advantages understand, it does not mean that you agree. The phrase helps one of the partners to recognize emotions of another without parting away personal point of view. Validation assists individuals to feel honored even amid disagreements in opinions. When one feels that his experience is being taken seriously, he/she would not easily raise his voice or say the same thing repeatedly out of exasperation.
It promotes healthier and slower communication
Debates tend to get out of control as what comes out is swift and retaliatory. This is natural in that having one partner express a wish to know would cause the conversation to go at a slower rate. The fact that the exchanges are slower allows both parties some time to consider what exactly is irritating them. Such a break will alone avoid the harsh words which would otherwise hurt trust.
It develops Emotional Safety in the long run
The emotional safety is built when the two partners believe that the conflicts would not occur in the form of personal assaults. The constant employment of language that focuses on comprehension will support the idea that safety and strengthen the relationship basis. Such a habit minimizes the number and severity of disputes with time. When individuals experience a sense of safety, they tend not to analyse daily frustrations as such.
It opens the Door to honest Solutions
When a person is listened to, he/she is in a better position to compromise. The term changes the focus of defending the past and seeking viable means towards the future. When both spouses are not hiding their heads in pride it becomes easier to find solutions. Open communication would develop viable consensus that recurs to the cause of dispute.
It Makes a Fight out of a Discussion
Core of conflict is deteriorated when there is a breakdown in communication. An act of mere intention to comprehend is just enough to revive that communication nearly instantly. Rather than talking over one another, couples start clarifying one another with questions and answering one another in a considerate manner. The intensity of the communication is redirected, and what started as a fight may turn out to be a positive dialogue.
It is an Inscription of Emotional Maturity
It takes self control and awareness to say I want to understand you. It demonstrates that the relationship is more important than the desire to win an argument. Emotional maturity enhances relationships since it shows devotion to development. During the times when the relationships become a bit tense, even such simple statement may help soothe the atmosphere and make both the parties remember that winning is not the ultimate aim, understanding is.
