Lessons that come with marriage are hard to comprehend until you encounter them. When I got married to a man who is ten years older than I, I had heard my fair share of concerns, advice, and even implicit warnings of friends and relatives. Most of those remarks were at the time, unnecessarily elaborate. Many years later, I find out that the observations were not intended to demoralise me but rather to equip me with the facts which come with age difference.
Different life priorities
Two individuals raised in different decades may acquire rather different priorities. With time, I discovered that things that were urgent and exciting to me at times were not that important to him since he had gone through similar stages in life.
Differences in generational thinking
Even little day-to-day discussions sometimes show how we perceive the world we live in differently. Cultural allusions, attitudes towards technology, perceptions based on the various time buds tend to remind me that we were products of the various times.
Perspective is a product of experience
Among the most visible ones, there is the impact that the life experience has in the context of decision making. His experience of going through the difficult situations tends to make him look at issues patiently when I at times attack them urgently without considering that his more placid attitude is worthwhile.
Future in the financial perspective is uncertain
There are also hidden distinctions to money talks in that we entered adulthood at varying economic times. His strategy is more towards future security whereas I initially thought of financial planning in a limited period.
The ways of communication develop in different ways
The way we think and the way we settle disputes have been shaped by different generations. With time I also learnt that not every hesitation on my part is necessarily hesitation on their part, but maybe merely musing on something they have years of experience with.
The issue of health awareness comes into play
The age disparity is a natural cause of differences in the amount of attention on health and personal well being. I slowly realized why he was serious about some of his routines since it grows more significant to sustain energy and stability as age goes by.
Developing career levels are different
At the time when I was still developing my career path, he had managed to reach a stage of reflection concerning long term accomplishments. That contrast occasionally developed the wrong impression of ambition until I realized we were just at opposite ends of the same line.
Different pace of life
Age may alter the degree of energy and day time or night time rhythms and these changes become more pronounced as age advances. Once I had believed that we would always be on time but at some point I realized that one has to accommodate one another and therefore go with the pace of the other.
There is a deeper meaning to advice
In retrospect now I see that most of the warnings that people gave me were not criticisms of our relationship. They were reminders that age gap partnerships need to be aware, patient and ready to view things in a different light.
Development via knowledge
As time went by I found that those early warnings were just calls to become more mature to marriage. The lessons I had frequently dismissed proved valuable to me as I began to realise how complicated it is to build a life with someone who started his experiences ten years earlier than mine.
